Three hearts for one love
by choup37
Summary: He loved him so much, but he was so scared to hurt him. He was a monster, after all (9/ Jack).


_**How can trauma affect your personnal life, and intimate life? I wondered about that when I thought about Jack and 9's relationship.**_

* * *

_**Three hearts for one love**_

* * *

_-Doctor_..

The Timelord smiled, bending to kiss the chest in front of him. He made his way downside, exploring it softly from his hands and mouth. Jack moaned, lust running wild inside him. He kept his eyes closed, his breath shaking as the Doctor caressed him.

Who would have thought the rough Timelord would be such an amazing lover ?

So much love to give.

In the deepths of Jack's room, both men loved each other.

The Doctor smiled slightly, moving back to Jack's throat. The young man sighed, before languidly gripping his neck, pushing him up to kiss him deeply. The Doctor hummed, bending his compagnon's left leg, cuddling himself to him. Jack grinned against him, before pushing his arms around his neck.

Life was so good.

Hands began to move as they explored each other, never breaking their kiss. Sighs and moans of pleasure kept filling the room, the bed grunting as they moved. Soon, it was Jack's turn to push the Doctor on the bed, his eyes full with a love and devotion that made the Timelord's hearts beat quicker.

So beautiful.

So young.

So alive.

His beautiful Jack.

Naughty, kinky, funny Jack.

He should have had regrets, but he just couldn't. It was too good, and he loved it too much, and he was exhausted to fight the darkness all the time, and Jack helped him so much.

Everything was so easier with him.

So, so much easier.

And he didn't want it to stop.

He never said the words. The three, dramatic, little words. The one that would change everything. He couldn't, it was too much. He wasn't even sure this was what he was feeling.

Oh, who was he kidding, of course this was what he was feeling.

He was 903 years old, he wasn't stupid, thank you very much. It wasn't because he wasn't strong enough to admit it out loud he couldn't at least give himself this credit.

He was a moron, yes. But not a coward, no.

Was he a coward ?

He just couldn't tell it.

It was too much for him. It took him so long already to be able to admit this was what he wanted, he just couldn't do the next step.

It was too much.

The Doctor wasn't ready.

Not after everything he went through and what he was still fighting.

Hate, rage, anger, self-hatred.

Depression.

He was a doctor, he knew all the signs.

He also knew he couldn't cure himself.

He didn't deserve it.

Maybe the next him would be able to move forward. Maybe not. He had no clue. He was far too busy to try to survive everyday to think of him. It would be so useless anyway.

Jack didn't care.

Jack, beautiful, extraordinary Jack, Jack didn't care.

The captain was far too busy fighting his own demons to judge him.

Maybe this was why they fell in each other arms so easily.

The Doctor didn't mind.

Jack was perfect.

His beautiful, shining captain.

* * *

Jack was shaking as he pushed slowly inside him, gripping tightly his shoulders as he tried to welcome him. The Doctor made a face, trying desperately to be the slowest he could. Jack's 51st century anatomy certainly helped a lot, but even him had sometimes difficulties to adapt to the Timelord's.

He had been so scared to hurt him at first, he totally denied Jack all the times he asked. He could see he was hurting him, but he didn't know what to do, and say. He had never been a social person, and this incarnation was even worst. So he really shouldn't have been surprised when Jack's voice raised in the room, stern.

_-Doctor._ The Timelord jumped, looking at him with wide eyes. _Sit._ He obeyed before he even knew he was moving, and Jack's eyes softened. His lips were very soft when he kissed him, holding kindly his face._ What is it, love ? What are you afraid of ?_

Jack's voice was so kind, and his eyes so concerned. He was shaking against him, feeling himself fall deep in the need to just let go, like he did every time he was with him. Jack clearly saw it, because he kissed him once again, pushing him slowly on the bed. He kept his moves calm as he covered him, never stopping their kiss. The Doctor gripped to him, moaning softly as Jack began to move, losing them in an ocean of softness and lust.

Soon, clothes began to disappear.

Soon, the Doctor was crying softly, losing himself in Jack's strong protective arms.

_-Ple.. Please.._

_-I'm here, Doctor, I'm here, it's alright, just let go_, the young man whispered softly.

He was doing this thing with his hips, and the Doctor was gripping his shoulders so tight he was scared to break them.

He didn't want to hurt him.

He was so scared to hurt him.

Oh, please, he didn't want to hurt him.

Before he knew it, his hands were moving, lost between holding Jack and the sheets. Jack frowned, feeling his concern increasing. Something was wrong with the Doctor, and he couldn't find what. Decided to push him to focus on him, he moved his hand between them, gripping the both of them together.

The Doctor hissed, before moaning deeply. And then his hands were gripping Jack's shoulders, and his hips were moving, and he was losing himself in pleasure.

Oh, yes, please.

_-Yes_, Jack whispered. _Keep doing that. Focus on me, love. Just me. I am here, here and now. Focus on me, _he repeated, before kissing him.

It was dirty and frantic, all tongue and teeth, the Doctor falling deep in lust as he gripped Jack's waist, pushing against him.

Jack growled.

Oh, this was going to be something.

* * *

_-So_. The captain's voice was kind as they laid together in the aftermath. _Are you gonna to tell me what the fuck happened ?_

The Doctor bit his lip.

Really ? Jack really needed to ask that now ? Couldn't he just let it to die ?

By the look on his friend's face, nope, sorry.

Jack's worried eyes met his, and suddently he felt like a bastard.

His companion was so concerned about him, and he was running away like a coward.

But he wasn't a coward.

He made a vow.

_-I.._ He looked down, his cheeks burning._ I .._

_-Hey, it's alright, take a deep breath, _Jack soothed him, his hand caressing his arm. _No need to feel cornered, _he added kindly, before kissing his head, looking down at him.

Jack knew him so well, it was scary.

How did this boy enter his life this way ?

Maybe because he was broken too.

Maybe, maybe he was wrong to flee. Maybe Jack would understand. He used to be a Time Agent, after all, he went through war too.

_-I.. I just don't want to hurt you, _he finally whispered, his voice barely a breath.

_-What do you mean?_Jack asked nicely.

_-When we.. When.._

He couldn't tell it. Just the simple thought made him shiver. The idea to hurt Jack... Oh, by all the gods. But he would. He would. Jack.. Jack's body was different from 21st century humans, but would it be enough ?

_-When we have sex?_Jack suggested softly.

The Doctor made a face.

_-I don't have sex,_ he grunted._ I .._

He stopped, unable to finish.

_-I know_, the captain whispered, his eyes so full of love when he caressed his face._ I know, Doc. Sorry. Wrong way to tell it._

Love. When they made love. The Doctor didn't have just sex, he made love.

All or nothing.

_-I .. I'm sorry, I.. I try to.. to tell it, but.._

_-It's alright, love, I understand. You don't need to always speak to say something._

_-When did you become so wise ?_

_-Since I love you ?_

The Doctor's hearts jumped at that.

Love.

So much love.

Did he deserve it ?

And here again, the old demons.

_-I.. I would hurt you.._, he whispered. _You .. you want me to.._ He reddened at the thought, and Jack grined slightly, before his face sobered.

_-No._

_-Yes ! I.. I'm bigger than you, Jack, so much bigger, it's not.._

_-You're bigger on the inside ?_

-… _go to hell._

Jack laughed softly, before his face turned serious.

So that was it.

The Doctor was scared to hurt him.

This was why he didn't want to fuck him.

Not because he was disgusted by the idea, but to protect him.

He hummed, thoughful.

_-You would need to prep me much longer._

_-Jack .._

_-I'm trying to think in a scientific way here, Doc, help me there, please._

The Doctor sighed, before looking at him.

_-Yes. But even with that.. I'm not sure it wouldn't hurt._

_-Well, we can use more lubricant, you know_, his companion suggested._ I'm sure we can find something somewhere, with all the times and places we travel to ! And if it's not enough, well, I don't mind a bit of roughness, you know._

_-Jack !_

_-No really, Doc_, he interjected, caressing his face as the Doctor looked at him, frightened. _I understand. You're trying to protect me here. Because your body is different. And you're right,_ he added kindly._ I would do the same._

The Doctor relaxed immediately.

Jack understood.

He didn't feel betrayed nor angry.

_-I'm a big boy, Doc_, Jack added._ I saw and did a lot of things,_ he grinned._ You ? This .. problem? I'm not worried about it._

The Timelord rolled his eyes affectionately.

_-I guess you don't. But .. It's not .. just.. physical.. I.. J..Jack, my boy, I.. I hurt people_, he whispered, looking down. _When.. when.._

_-.. yeah. I know. I'm not them._

_-But .._

_-You won't hurt me, love,_ he cut him, his voice firm as he gripped his hand in his. _It will be alright. We will find a way. Together,_ he smiled.

The Doctor looked at him, uncertain, before smiling weakly.

_-Together ?_

_-Always, _Jack answered, his voice strong and firm.

_-Yes ?_

_-Yes, you stupid_, he grumbled, before rising his hand to kiss it._ I wish you told me before_, he sighed,_ but I understand why you didn't._

_-I .. I'm sorry,_ he mumbled._ It's not.. trust.._

_-Yeah, I know. I know the feeling_, Jack sighed, before kissing him, cupping his face.

Guilt.

Guilt to survive everything, even when it wasn't your fault.

Guilt to have to kill and hurt people.

Shame.

So much shame.

The more you did the war, the more you felt it.

And the Doctor, well.. You would have to be a real jerk not to see how much wars this man did.

Of course he wouldn't hurt Jack. They would find a way. More prep, a stronger lube, whatever, this wasn't the true problem here.

The Timelord was scared to hurt him, the same way he hurt people before. Past and present were mixing in his head to create an irrational fear which took over his mind.

PTSD, they called it.

Jack knew that.

He had his owns.

Yeah, you always had several. It wouldn't be fun otherwise, he thought grimly as the Doctor hugged him harder.

And the Doctor..

Poor man.

_-I don't want to hurt you,_ he mumbled.

_-You won't, _Jack whispered.

Such a beautiful and strong man, shaking in his arms because his demons were telling him he would hurt the man he loved.

He had to help him.

He wanted to see him laugh, not cry.

His Doctor.

His mentor.

His love.

Jack sighed, caressing the Doctor's waist as his lover kissed his neck.

Bloody man.

* * *

Jack was shaking as he pushed slowly inside him, gripping tightly his shoulders as he tried to welcome him.

Dear gods.

The Doctor bit his lip.

_-Are.. Are you alright?_he breathed.

_-What ? Yes ! Keep going !_

_-I.._

_-Doc, bloody hell,_ Jack growled, _I'm more than alright !_ He grinned._ Come on, old man, you're not going to break me. I swear_, he winked.

The Doctor relaxed slightly. He moved a bit more, before blinking when a deep moan left Jack's throat.

It took them days to find the best kind of lubricant. Really, the Doctor had no idea how many types existed before Jack took him to all these places. And he wasn't shy, he was 903 years old, thank you very much, but he was still a very high chaste man about some kind of things, and well.. Let's just say the captain had a lot of fun seeing him blushing.

He took great care to take his revenge, of course, but Jack still kept grinning like a stupid little jerk for days.

Bloody boy.

But they succeeded : thanks to the captain's knowledge of all the naughty places in the galaxy, they found what they needed.

Needless to say, they tried it immediately.

And it was so good.

By Jack's high moan, his lover was more than happy.

The Doctor relaxed.

He wouldn't hurt him.

His companion.

His beautiful boy.

His Jack.

_-Are you going to fuck me or do I need to do all the job myself? I mean, I know you're old, but still, I.. huuuuuuu..._

The Doctor's smirk increased as the same time as his pace.

Bloody boy.

He loved him so much.

And he would prove him, once again, the same way Jack proved him.

The Timelord and the captain.

Together, forever.

The universe could start praying.


End file.
